Finding my way

I love food. Normally I eat a nice salad with my dinner every night, as well as a cooked vegetable. I enjoy trying new foods. I love to cook and bake. Typically I shop the perimeter of the grocery store, fresh veggies and meat, some frozen veggies and meat, lots of seasonings. I have made most of our bread, mostly freshly milled whole wheat, for close to 40 years. My beverage of choice for a very long time has been filtered water with no ice. So, yeah, healthy stuff.

Enter chemo. Water tastes terrible. Really awful. And it needs ice. Lots of ice. I don’t care that the mornings are getting downright chilly. Lots of ice. Nothing warm to drink. My mouth burns. I need ice. I need water. At least 64 ounces a day they tell me. That sounded easy before chemo. I’ve been treated three times for dehydration in five weeks. And I try. I get down two cups of electrolytes every day. I switch off between regular and low sodium, low sugar. At least it’s flavored. It tastes better than water. A little bit anyway.

I crave chocolate. Hands down my favorite since chemo is chocolate ice cream. Specifically Frosties from Wendy’s. I made chocolate syrup so I can make chocolate milk to replace it, and it’s ok, but not as good. Even with ice, it’s not the same. Cookies and cake are too sweet. I still have three pieces of my birthday cake in the freezer. Maybe they will taste good in a couple of months. What is it about Frosties? Even the nurses in the chemo unit tell me a Frostie with French fries is a favorite with the patients being treated there. They encourage it because it’s fluid with a little protein and fat.

Food tastes weird. Salads and smoothies and whole wheat bread cause problems. They tell me my whole digestive tract is like my mouth, swollen and irritated. The chemo targets quick growing cells and that’s what your gut is lined with. I have a couple of cookbooks for people with cancer. They looked like a good idea before chemo. Lots of salads, lots of cruciferous veggies, lots of berries. Lots of stuff that is hard to digest. I tolerate smushy veggies, mashed potatoes, soup, a little meat, a little rice, a little oatmeal. And for the next few days, an almost normal diet minus salads and smoothies and whole wheat. Then Tuesday it starts all over again.