Finding my way

I had heard of peripheral neuropathy. It was linked in my mind to diabetes and aging. It causes tingling and numbness to feet. I had no idea chemo could cause it, or that it could also affect fingers. I know now. It has been one of the hardest things to deal with. I have chemo induced neuropathy in my hands and feet.

My feet feel strange, like I am walking on lots of little balls of some sort of squishy stuff. I looked and it doesn’t look like I have lots of little puffballs glued to the bottoms of my feet. Those invisible puffballs interfere with my balance, which I find quite irritating. I now use a cane or a walker to prevent falls. Even so, some days I am quite wobbly. The oncologist has ordered physical therapy to help with my walking.

My fingertips tingle and hurt. I don’t have the control over my hands that I once did, a fact that pains me to admit. Now that the “chemo brain” is starting to lift, I am anxious to get back into my sewing and art room. As soon as my energy comes back a little more, I will see what I can do. I am much clumsier in the kitchen than I used to be, dropping and spilling things much more often than I used to. I am afraid the neuropathy will also interfere with my more artistic endeavors.

My fingernails have developed heavy horizontal ridges and an uneven texture. They are quite difficult to clean these days. I don’t know if it’s the fingernails themselves or the ineffective and weak fingers that is causing the problem. I suppose it’s the fingernails because even when I use a brush to clean under my fingernails, they look stained. This hurts my vanity, because I have always loved to have pretty nails. They are anything but pretty now. I do hope they will grow out smooth and nicely shaped like they once were so I can paint them again.